The interview went very well for Evan and the navy is very interested in having him join their elite flight officer training. Could you imagine having your hubby fly F-18's off carriers....SCARY! Evan feels much more confident in his chances for not only getting in as an officer, but also attaining a coveted flight spot as many of the officer recruits are flunking out of flight school. However, all of our (my) previous plans have been completely demolished! Please bare with me.Ok here I go. I am so proud of Evan and this impending accomplishment! While it all seems and is really good news for our future, I cant help but feel a little...ok VERY, ohhhhh...frustrated and sad. The timing for all of this is the problem. He goes before the review board on May 15th. This means he would not be starting OCS till June or so. If this happens, he will NOT be here for the birth of our first son. Im not sure I even know how to comprehend that even though I always had it in the back of my mind as a SMALL chance. I don't even know if I want anyone else in that delivery room with me. I cant picture anyone else beside me holding my hand. Sure, there's all the positives that people can mention. After all, i will be here in Orange County to deliver. I will have all of my close family and friends to help me and don't get me wrong, that is what I will focus on when the time comes (and be extremely grateful for). Evan will be securing a great career for us. I wont have to move 7 months pregnant and deliver in a foreign hospital with some dr. i have barely known. All of my family and friends will have a chance to meet little Jackson before we move back east for a long while.
Yes, these are ALL AMAZING things to be truly grateful for. I AM! At least I had the question answered of where the baby will be born! Actually, this is something I can start preparing for mentally. With every turn that our life takes, I desperately reformulate a "life plan". This is my own observation. It shifts and bends, and is never what it was before. As a decorator, designer, and to go from planning our destination wedding (and planning others' weddings) to not planning my LIFE, is needless to say an extreme challenge. I don't usually go a day without a plan let alone months! My brain plans everything automatically. Not to mention that when your pregnant, from the first month, you plan and organize EVERYTHING from a Dr. to bedding material. Its only my maternal instinct to be RESPONSIBLE right? Well, I am quickly learning that every self-drawn plan I make after receiving altered "coordinates" becomes null and void after a couple days. This blog is proof; A documentation of my thinking patterns and altered plans of what will happen if this or that happens.
I cant help but think of our life as blue prints I used to draw up. We have a great foundation with an excellent floor plan. We even have all of the fabrics and paint colors picked out. When space planning I draw up multiple furniture placement options on velum (see thru paper) and see which ones would look the best in my space. I pick the best one and the manufacturer tells me that they discontinued production of said vital products, and the contractor lets me know that the kitchen has to be moved from one side of the house to the other. I say, but i already had my granite cut! haha...yeah, thats kinda how I feel. I try to pick out and cut my granite for a kitchen that has to be completely torn out.
Sooo, what does this all mean? That i should probably, no, most definitely focus on what is NOT going to change. I have the most amazing family and friends any gal could ask for, Jackson Wade WILL be born in 4 months in ORANGE COUNTY, CA., my dear husband who I love more than anything is working towards a HUGE accomplishment for us and sometime in the near future there will be some other twist in the road. THE END
